Moment by Moment
by Wishing For That Marauder Life
Summary: Harry and Draco are friends, and one Christmas they became close. But when Draco starts dating Pansy, Harry becomes aware of his feelings. Hermione tries to help but Harry can only help himself. One step at a time. Making a choice moment by moment.


_AN: This was written one day when I needed to escape from the world. It wasn't intended to be a Harry Potter story and I think you can tell because it's kinda AU and doesn't really follow their characters. It was based on my experiences and what I hope I'll be strong enough to do one day so any reviews, whether on the story or my messed up life, is appreciated. Thanks for reading. _

"I can't take it anymore. What the hell is wrong with these people? Can they not be happy for just one day?"

"They looked happy Tuesday."

"How the hell could you tell that when their heads were glued to each other?" Hermione giggled and slipped her hand comfortingly into Harry's, though she could see his point. Draco and Pansy were either miserable, or all over each other. She sighed.

"Maybe that's their definition of happy?"

"It's my definition of loser." He folded his arms with a spiteful look on his face. He was angrier than he had the right to be and he was sure his face screamed his feelings for Draco. He knew he felt something more than friendship for him, just a spark more. He'd never date him, but the playful flirting and easy, trusting conversations had stopped as soon as he'd started dating Pansy. Pansy who was always upset or just in the way. Harry was beginning to think it was a lot easier when him and Draco had truly hated each other, this secret truce was getting to him. Hermione nudged her as if she'd been reading his thoughts.

"Stop thinking about him. It won't help." He sighed and curled into her side, blocking out the world, it was like an addiction, and Draco was the drug. Harry would take this one step at a time. Don't detour to catch sight of him. Don't linger for a hug. It would be minute by minute. Day by day. It was easier now he'd told Hermione. Whenever he'd feel the urge to owl Draco, he wouldn't ignore it now, he'd text her instead. She was always there to help him and guide him.

"I can't help it."It was her turn to sigh.

"He's never going to be yours."

"I don't want him to be." Hermione shot him a disbelieving look and he knew it was hard to grasp. He never wanted to date Draco; they were too different, especially in the bedroom. They'd spoken about it, one night in the kitchens. Draco seemed sex addicted, Harry was happy, happier even, when curled up with a film just basking in the closeness. They would only talk when one of them had a problem, a long deep talk in which they'd take comfort from the other or when they were joking around, banter and verbal battles passing the time away. Never just normal conversations that would be vital for a relationship, there was no middle ground. Sometimes Harry just wished he was single, so he'd be free and wouldn't back away from their random flirting and easy talk, as he didn't before. But that was selfish and he was aware of that. Now they had nothing, barely even a friendship. The two months without him had taught Harry he could live without him, but the 2 weeks he'd been talking to him again reminded her how much brighter life seemed with him around. But there was a point, when the awkwardness and pain of being ignored and cast aside brought him crashing down and he was determined to remove himself from the situation before it happened. Even if it meant cutting out his heart. Moment by moment.

_Draco had Transfiguration next, and would have to walk straight through the large entrance hall to get there. He walked over to Dean, his mouth inquiring about the work before his brain could catch him. Asking for answers and help with homework he had already done. When his eyes flickered to the right, an instinct to look for Draco. He steeled herself. "Sorry Dean, I've left some books in the library. Thanks for the help." He turned and walked away just as he saw a flash of blonde turn round the corner. _

_He glanced left instinctively as he walked out the corridor, knowing that if he walked left he would catch him, walking between rooms, with Pansy at his side. He forced her legs away, to the right. And took the shortest but less scenic room back to the Great Hall. _

_Minute by minute._

_He poured himself a cup of hot chocolate from a jug the house elves had placed hidden at the back of the kitchens, and a flash of Christmas, that seemed so long ago, flashed in his mind. A memory of steam and giggling, and combining a mix of hot drinks and toppings enough to fill the cup. A note was written and in his hand before he realized he was already halfway up to the owlery. He stopped and screwed it up, then shoved it back in his pocket angrily. There was no need to remind him about something so trivial. _

_When Mrs Weasley asked what him was doing this weekend, his mind flickered to the amateur quidditch match he knew Draco was in, easily accessible by the Knight Bus. Him going to a quidditch match was nothing unusual and no one would think twice of. Draco might even be happy to see him, he knew sport was not Pansy kind of thing. So he was surprised with the ease of which the word 'nothing' slipped through his lips. Maybe a shopping trip with his surrogate mum would take his mind off him. _

_Hour by hour. _

_They were told to pick someone to sit with on the train. With it being just a Herbology trip his choices were limited; there were not many people he could stand spending the day with. Draco edged over to him slightly and he sighed and glanced around for Hermione, who seemed like she was trying to decide between her and Ron. He sighed and scrubbed his hand across his face, before nodding at Draco who walked over to his side and settled beside him on the desk, nudging his shoulder playfully with his own. He was disappointed with himself for giving in._

_Pansy was ill today and confined to the dorm rooms so he wasn't expecting to see him. Assuming, wrongly, he'd want to spend the day with his old friends whom he had spent so little time with since the start of the new relationship, so he was surprised when he came and sat by him, in their own corner of the library. The conversation was easy but he glanced at Luna, who was alone, and quickly made his excuses. Scampering over to the other girl with a slightly apologetic look back at the blonde. He received a nod in response and turned to someone else. As hhe sat down besides Luna he couldn't help but feel mildly proud. _

_Day by day._

_He spotted him in the reflection of the window and quickly changed paths, but was cut off before taking a few steps. He started talking, happily and oblivious to the turmoil raging inside of him. He smiled and nodded and wanted desperately to hug him. Most of him hoped Pansy never turned up, but a small part wanted him to come and save him. He looked his in the eyes and he briefly entertained the thought of how beautiful his eyes were, and then tried to ignore the onslaught of memories that came with them. Days of old when everything was much easier. He spotted her escaped and left as soon as Neville walked out the building opposite. That night, he threw out the picture he had of the two of them. _

_It was his birthday and Harry had invited Pansy and Pansy alone, so he was surprised when Draco turned up too. He would later blame the drink for even letting himself get into these sorts of conversations. A suggestion they could kiss, long deep conversations and laying on a bed entwined when he quietly confesses that maybe he's dating the wrong person. Harry vaguely wonders how he's not feeling his rushing heartbeat. He links his fingers with his and pulls Harry to his chest. When Blaise walks in Harry knows he has to move. So he lets go, and sends Pansy to him. Just because he was alone didn't mean Draco had to be. He knew he would remember nothing of the two of them in the morning. As he lay there listening to their kissing, he wondered miserably whether there was a therapy for this kind of thing. _

_Week by week._

_When Draco called about his birthday party, it took him a second to realize who was on the other end of the phone. Harry agreed, never one to turn down a good party. And it was fine, until Pansy started dancing and you could see the trouble from the shots building long before it happened. Still mostly sober when the banter started, 'it's hot', 'undo you're buttons', 'why don't you do it for me'. His hand was on Harry's leg and he pulled away, distracting herself with one of Patil twins. But when Draco was upset it was easy to run to him, help him. And when he kissed his neck and whispered about how if he keeps smelling so good, he'd have to kiss him, he would always regret walking away. _

_He saw him across courtyard. Draco must have noticed him long before he spotted Draco. He was in front of Harry before he knew what was happening. Draco wrapped his arms around him and he instantly caught the old familiar smell and winced. They exchanged pleasantries and he politely refused joining him for dinner with some made up excuse he couldn't remember mere seconds after using it. He offered to walk Harry to the dorms, and while every part of his heart screamed for him to reply in positive, his head, finally starting to learn not to let the heart do the thinking, took over. He refused and walked away, hairs on his neck standing up. _

_Month by month._

_He slipped her hand down his arm, mildly tipsy mind making her more confident than usual. The flirty words flowed easily and sensually from his lips, gaining the boys attention easily. Gay clubs were nothing new to him by now and he knew exactly how to get what he wanted. He'd had him eye all night, but he needed alcohol in his system before he was brave enough to make a move. His friends, a squadron of Aurors, wouldn't let Harry rest until he at least tried. The man responded to his touch, but when his eyes locked with hers, Harry recoiled slightly. A shape and colour he once had memorized so well, the same, but belonging to the wrong person. She knew then there would be no relationship between the two of them. But that wasn't to say she couldn't have fun tonight. _

_When he moved town and went to sign in at the local private surgery, he stopped at the door in shock. The familiar last name sang to him from the sign and while his heart sunk, part of him hoped it was _him_. He had always wanted to be a doctor. Harry signed in, under his alias name and to a different doctor, but couldn't resist letting his bright green eyes scan the wall behind the receptionist. He spotted his picture without consciously looking for it. He had aged well. Looking no older than 20, and happy. As he walked away he knew that had he looked unhappy in the picture, Harry very well may have made an appointment with the old friend and flame. _

_Year by year. _

He smiled as he slipped the suitcase out from under his bed. Ginny had been sighed up to a high league Romania quidditch team and he and the kids were about to follow her out there, the sun a high appeal after being stuck in England for many years. Hermione had turned up to help him pack. He opened it and stroked the leather bound book fondly, memoirs of their childhood days that they had made so many years ago. He opened it and looked at the first picture. The two of them lying on the grass in their back garden, and spoke quietly.

"I remember this day. We spent hours just watching the clouds pass us by."

"Life was so simple back then." A scream came from downstairs, distracting the two of them for a second. "Yours or mine?"

"I think that was Lily." He answered, referring to his daughter. Hermione nodded in agreement. When Harry next turned the page, Hermione giggled.

"Well now. I remember him. Malfoy wasn't it."

"Draco." His voice was still fond he noted mildly. "God I was obsessed wasn't I?" The next few pages were filled with pictures of him and the same blonde boy, Harry's mind briefly thought about how beautiful their contrasting hair was.

"Yes. And that's putting it nicely."

"Shhhh you." He shoved Hermione lightly causing her to fall out of her crouch. He thought back fondly, remembering his Hogwarts days, and blushed when he realized how creepy he had actually been in regards to Draco. "I kissed him once you know?"

"What? You didn't tell me that." Hermione, suddenly acting like the kid she had once been, moved forwards like he was about to tell her the secrets of the universe.

"When I got accepted into the Auror programme university, that summer I asked to see him one day. He said yes after much persuasion. We just walked around town all day. Then before it was time to go. I kissed him, and thanked him for being around."

"Did he kiss back?"

"He pulled me back for another. I left before it got any further."

"You player you!" It was her turn to push him gently and he laughed, leaning into her arms.

"Hmmmm. I miss Ginny."

"I don't miss Ron." He looked down at his best friend, laughter shining in her eyes.

"That's because he's downstairs. I can hear him."

"Don't I know it." He sniggered and stood, offering her a hand.

"We need to finish packing."

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too, you can visit. Sun and sea." She nodded and rested her he'd against his shoulder briefly, and he thanked the world once more Hermione had always been at her side.


End file.
